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Welcome to my blog. This is my rose-colored outlook on my life. I hope you stick with me on my journey!

Pushing Back The Move

Pushing Back The Move

Hey y'all. I’m starting to think this blog will be bi monthly. There’s a joke in there somewhere. I’m not equipped to update this weekly or even bi weekly. Life is just too curvy for a post commitment. 

Here’s the lowdown. I’ve taken a huge ass break from learning Korean. I pick it up maybe once or twice every few weeks because I feel myself forgetting a lot of phrases I’ve learned. Like I said before, life is just too curvy. That bitch is thicc. Amongst the stress of having my first ever finished book edited (thank you lovely ex roommate, Brian), writing the second book, studying for my permit test, and work...Shit’s been real yall. 

There have been some accomplishments and some setbacks. I’ll give you the good news first. Book one in my LGBTQGARGNERNGRGRNG series is called The Force Between Us

The Force Between Us centers around Jaekook, freshly sixteen and living under his ex military dad’s thumb. When his straightlaced older brother gets sent away to military school for possession he tries to figure out what went down that night via his brother’s gay best friend, Yeongi (I haven’t decided if I’m changing this name again). Only Yeongi has been ignoring Jaekook since everything went down. To honor his brother’s legacy and to get closer to the truth, Jaekook decides to join the Lacrosse team to get more out of Yeongi even though Yeongi has made it clear he doesn’t want him anywhere near the team or him. The more they get to know about each other, the more Jaekook questions his feelings for Yeongi. And the more those feelings change his perspective, the more he figures out about himself. This isn’t a love story that’s over the top dramatic, but it definitely has some real life issues that they battle together. Don’t fret. No one dies at the end. 

Now my oldy but goody roommate is editing the book first book for me. I was so stressed trying to find an editor because them bitches require $1000 minimum for their professional services. Brian is an established journalist/writer and a middle aged Gay so I thought him perfect for the bill. That’s a load off my shoulders honestly. Plus it was important to me that someone on the spectrum read it, someone that I knew had gone through similar hardships. It’s a slow moving vehicle of the editing process, but I’ll swerve into the left lane once it’s all said and done.

Nice segway to my next bit of good news. I got my permit bitches! Okay, I know what you’re thinking, “This hoe is in her twenties and doesn’t have a license”. Look here bitch, I’ve lived my life with regrets so I’m trying to make that not the case. Or at least make it a baby case. It’s hard trying to switch up your mental game from it being a certain, unhealthy way for most of your life to a better course. But I’m trying. That’s what counts. To back track a bit, the reason I hadn’t ever finished a book in the ten years I’ve been writing was because I always thought I needed to be better. ‘One day I’ll finish all of these stories, but only after I get years of experience in the field’. Do you realize how debilitating I was to myself? In short, I didn’t believe enough in the one quality I liked about myself. Sold myself short. Getting my permit and working toward my license is another small step to furthering my opportunities. I took living in a town that had optimal public transportation to my advantage. I realized when I wanted to move to Arizona that I’d need that piece of plastic to actually be able to be on my own. Cuz a bitch tryna floss in Phoenix!

Another awesome segway. So...I’ve decided to push back my move to Arizona. My initial timeline was going to be around November/December this year. I’m currently staying with family so I don’t have to pay that much in the way of rent/help out with bills. Not having to front what I was paying for my first apartment made me feel like saving was optional for some reason. My goal was to get between $5000-$10,000 by the end of the year. I could’ve made a good dent in that by now if I wasn’t so lazy. AKA not getting overtime at my bar job on the weekends. 

What I figured out when looking into reviews for places I considered nice for my budget I discovered the whole mother of nightmares. These places I lowered my standard to had cockroaches, bed bugs, mold, scorpion problems, violence, cars being broken into, maintenance and front desk not doing their jobs, and packages being stolen. Like I’m not about to pay $800 a month for all that to go down. I never wanted to pay near $1000 in rent because I deemed that to be unnecessary. Well, it kind of is in my situation. I’d be going to a foreign state by myself, living in not so great areas, with not so great house guests. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Not to be bougie (but let’s be real, we all want nice things) but I want my fucking granite countertops and chrome appliances! Brian often teases me that life is more than granite countertops. He’s a hundred percent right about that. But hard work and wanting more for yourself is the best way to success. If I believe in myself and aim for that shit, it’s better than settling for cockroaches crawling out of sockets or in my ear (not kidding, that was one of the reviews). 

One thing I don’t think I’ve talked about as much on here is my depression. I had states of it most of my life. Most of it centered around how unhappy I was with the way I looked and how I hadn’t had anybody to be in love with, and how I didn’t feel like I was living my life. Blah blah blah. When I realized I wanted to move to Arizona I knew that the sunny disposition down there would be a big mood enhancer for me. As much as I love and will miss the rainy days, too much clouds make me go down simply put. With that being said, when I lowered my standards of living to what I could afford in the $800 rent range I was disappointed. The places were gloom and doom. Grey and tan exteriors, a splash of color here and there, no granite countertops. Like come on, how many sacrifices am I expected to make? 

No, in all seriousness, I knew if I lived somewhere that screamed depression on the screen of my phone that when I got down there I would be more likely to not be happy once settled. There’s something to be said about aesthetics. That’s another thing Brian taught me. I really want to be happy with the home I built for myself, that I worked for. I want to feel accomplished, proud, and safe. I don’t want to worry about walking outside of my apartment to shooting. Or to roaches tickling my toes. Or my car (which I don’t have yet lol) being stolen/broken into. Or having my granny visit and not feeling comfortable leaving her alone while I go to work. These “luxuries” are things you have to pay for nowadays. I don’t want to pay $1000 plus in rent and utilities but I must. Sigh. But I’m relieved that I can have a safe, aesthetic standard of living. In order to do that, I need to actually work more and save more than what I was settling for having ($5000). There isn’t a rush for me to get down there, that’s why I’m comfortable pushing it back until I have enough to ensure I’m comfortable. Sure, I could go down there with what I have and struggle, but if there’s no need to struggle when I can wait. Sometimes that’s life, knowing when not to put yourself in potentially dangerous situations. Be it getting involved with a volcano of a family member. Or staying in a not so fulfilling relationship. Or not moving somewhere if you don’t have the means to.

I’ll update more once the book is closer to being published. My goal is to have it out by April/May. Also kinda hoping that people will buy that product and love it so those funds will help with the move. Or maybe people will absolutely hate it and it’ll flop. Either way, I’m going to publish more books and be happy doing it. 

Eat a donut & live your lifes, Sweets

Warm Fuzzies: Bring The Seoul

Warm Fuzzies: Bring The Seoul

The Force Between Us chapter 1 Draft

The Force Between Us chapter 1 Draft